You

 You are seeking employment with our

firm? We are SSUC, Shit Shovelers United Corporation.

We use Black & Decker's diamond-tipped, teak-stalked, double-barreled 

High Performance Shit Shovels to cut through the most

insidious mounds of turds the American Rich can produce. They eat

Gold, for instance, for breakfast, and shit plutonium at night. You

are responsible for shoveling and redistributing all of this Rich

American Shit All along the borders of the poor areas. You will be

shoveling Shit All Day. Compensation is 4.25/hour. No exceptions.

You should be LUCKY to get this much Good American Pay. No

Benefits. You will lie in this Shit if you pass out from the noxious

fumes, or are too tired to continue your Work. You will be subjected

to the most Clinical and Precise Training. THIS IS SHIT

SHOVELING. This is The Most Important Job for all Downwardly

Descending Americans in 2016. You MUST have at least 10 Years

of SHIT SHOVELING EXPERIENCE, using the Tap and Draw

Method of Shit Shoveling for the American Super Rich,

TDMSSASR. You MUST repeat this acronym as a Mantra, as you

work Very Hard. No Education is Required. Only 10+ Years of Shit

Shoveling Experience and a certificate from your night school, or

community college for the TDMSSASR, may be helpful In Seeking

Employment in our firm. You WILL be subjected to a life-long

Extensive Criminal Background Check, including EVERY

THOUGHT YOU HAVE EVER HAD. You MUST fill out our 666

JPEG Jack Boot PDF and WRITE DOWN EVERY Criminal

Thought you have EVER HAD, from age 5 on. If you FAIL

to comply, you will be TERMINATED, WITH PREJUDICE. The

FBI, CIA, and Interpol will be gathering all crimes you have

committed, or thought about committing, and Documenting Each

item, in our long 666 JPEG Jack Boot Invasive Profiling Tool. You

are being watched. You will also be subjected to a LIFE-LONG

credit history check dating back even to when YOU were in your

mother's WOMB, BECAUSE YOU had something to do with HER

spending Proclivities, and YOU will be allowed 1 mark, only. This

invasive and EXTENSIVE Credit History CHECK Will also

include CHECKING FOR just ONE LATE PAYMENT, anywhere.

If you have EVER been ONE day Late, YOU will be Ineligible for

hire. Also, WE DO NOT LIKE LIBERALS. You MUST sign up

with the ULTRA RIGHT-WING Americans for America Party and

Stay with us for the remainder of your Life. You MUST ALSO sign

up with the Jesus for Christians Party, and attend church before and

After all, Shit Shoveling Work Days. There are NO BENEFITS. We

REPEAT: NO BENEFITS. NO SICK DAYS. NO HOLIDAYS. All

those with an extensive education, i.e., Jr High School, WILL

RECEIVE LESS PAY, at 3.87/hour. Tardiness WILL NEVER

EVER BE TOLERATED. Thank you for your interest in

Employment USA.

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