The Subway

 The Subway

I stepped on this subway

coming from Manhattan

I just ate a huge corned beef

sandwich from Katz's Deli.

Mustard and Russian dressing all over

my face and beard;

I was very drunk and felt good

I had this push-button umbrella

That extended when pressed -

Just like a big dick sliding out...

I feigned an attack on the security guard.

The umbrella extended, and he jumped back.

He laughed that embarrassing laugh

some of us do when something strange occurs.

On the subway I sat opposite my friend,

Who is, socially, very shy and well behaved -

Even when drunk. Especially when drunk.

There was this Indian guy sitting adjacent to me

I kept staring at him.

My alcohol breath was invading his nostrils and mouth and

My sandwich face was hurting his eye - in case he looked

at me...

His eyes were squarely locked on the ceiling of the

subway car.

I continued to stare at him.

I was determined to provoke a response

Next, I started to sing an Indian song to him.

An old work buddy from my gas-station days

had taught me this

"Kariaban tau...

Rutee Li Jeh

Bapu Di"

His gaze upon the ceiling was unbreakable.

Next, I took out my Kodak disposable camera

And I shot him from a distance of

two feet away, with flash and everything

I then tried to take pictures of every stranger

on that subway car

Two bums thought I was hilarious,

So I shot them next.

One bum tried to hide his face

I told the other bum that I loved him

His laughter filled the whole car

I then sat back down and tried to photograph a

Pretty Asian girl

She hid her face with her hands

I dropped the cam...

She dropped her hands

I tried to shoot again

Her hands are immediately in hiding position

I dropped again

She dropped her hands

I tried again...

This went on until she got off the car. Earlier,

I tried pointing out the window,

"Look!" I said, but

she didn't fall for it.

When my friend stood up for us to exit

I had another antic:

I would press the umbrella button and its

Erection would startle me, so I feigned a

scared shocking quiver

The bums laughed...

My repressed friend was so shocked

and humiliated by my drunken behavior that

We had a huge verbal fight leading to

My departure back to L.A. that very night

Only my bum friends on the car that night

saw that there was no reality

To anything I did or said,

On that rainy Manhattan subway.

Any manifestation of seriousness at times like this

Are products of an irrrrrationally sick mind.

Sick like dog

Dick like sog

I am convinced that sickness and madness have

nothing to do with each other

Madness seems to extend from compassion and humanity, and

sickness

from the "shoulds" and "should n'ts" of social

conditioning.

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