The Subway
The Subway
I stepped on this subway
coming from Manhattan
I just ate a huge corned beef
sandwich from Katz's Deli.
Mustard and Russian dressing all over
my face and beard;
I was very drunk and felt good
I had this push-button umbrella
That extended when pressed -
Just like a big dick sliding out...
I feigned an attack on the security guard.
The umbrella extended, and he jumped back.
He laughed that embarrassing laugh
some of us do when something strange occurs.
On the subway I sat opposite my friend,
Who is, socially, very shy and well behaved -
Even when drunk. Especially when drunk.
There was this Indian guy sitting adjacent to me
I kept staring at him.
My alcohol breath was invading his nostrils and mouth and
My sandwich face was hurting his eye - in case he looked
at me...
His eyes were squarely locked on the ceiling of the
subway car.
I continued to stare at him.
I was determined to provoke a response
Next, I started to sing an Indian song to him.
An old work buddy from my gas-station days
had taught me this
"Kariaban tau...
Rutee Li Jeh
Bapu Di"
His gaze upon the ceiling was unbreakable.
Next, I took out my Kodak disposable camera
And I shot him from a distance of
two feet away, with flash and everything
I then tried to take pictures of every stranger
on that subway car
Two bums thought I was hilarious,
So I shot them next.
One bum tried to hide his face
I told the other bum that I loved him
His laughter filled the whole car
I then sat back down and tried to photograph a
Pretty Asian girl
She hid her face with her hands
I dropped the cam...
She dropped her hands
I tried to shoot again
Her hands are immediately in hiding position
I dropped again
She dropped her hands
I tried again...
This went on until she got off the car. Earlier,
I tried pointing out the window,
"Look!" I said, but
she didn't fall for it.
When my friend stood up for us to exit
I had another antic:
I would press the umbrella button and its
Erection would startle me, so I feigned a
scared shocking quiver
The bums laughed...
My repressed friend was so shocked
and humiliated by my drunken behavior that
We had a huge verbal fight leading to
My departure back to L.A. that very night
Only my bum friends on the car that night
saw that there was no reality
To anything I did or said,
On that rainy Manhattan subway.
Any manifestation of seriousness at times like this
Are products of an irrrrrationally sick mind.
Sick like dog
Dick like sog
I am convinced that sickness and madness have
nothing to do with each other
Madness seems to extend from compassion and humanity, and
sickness
from the "shoulds" and "should n'ts" of social
conditioning.
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