I Broke One of My Chairs

 It was just a chair

It was just a chair!

What the shit!

I was drunk at a friend's house

And my cunt was with me

I was high on coke and booze

And I wanted to forget myself

But she reminded me

that I was high all the time

24 hours a day

And she ruined it

God Dammit!

Can't I get high without any SHIT?

So we had to go home

NO

SHE had to go home

I was really pissed now

She said:

"I think I'm going to leave you."

I then tried to open the door of her VW Rabbit

to jump out

On to the freeway while we were going 60 MPH

She pulled over, and I got out

"Are you crazy?" she said

"You BITCH!" I said

Then I got back in, and we took off

She kicked me out at my apartment

And I went inside and proceeded to take one of my four

Dining chairs that cost me one hundred bucks per

And smash it into the floor of my apartment until it was

In 18 pieces

Then I called her answering machine, which the whole family

listened to

And I called her a lesbian bitch whore prostitute

Then hung up, tore my telephone from the wall, and

Ran outside and threw it on the ground

Smashing it into bits and bits of colored plastic

I then poured some more wine, swore, and passed out

This was by all standards one of my (Zip Caustic's) better nights.

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